Previously: Killer Shrike is a recently resurrected supervillain who finds himself without any prospects now that his armored suit has been corrupted by bad magicks. To make ends meet he has taken a job bodyguarding the twin children of Legionnaire Dr. Al B Harper, which is a good thing since Cody and Kara are the targets of the Exclave, a group of rogue scientists who want to dragoon Al into their ranks.
Amy Aston walked into the EEE firehouse’s breakfast nook and smashed her spanner against Killer Shrike’s knuckles.
“Ow! Sonuva-NYANYANYANYANYA!” were his cries of protest as Miss Aston hooked the wrench around his nose and led him away.
“Come see, Frankenstein,” she commanded, dragging him upstairs to the bathroom they were now forced to share. There were wet towels on the floor, dollops of shaving cream and toothpaste in the sink, and an empty toilet paper dispenser.
“Unacceptable,” was her verdict.
With a swat Simon Maddicks freed his nasal passages from the wrench’s grip, “Ain’t my job to be a maid, Sweet Meat.”
“Ain’t my job, either,” the mechanic for Extraordinary Endeavors Enterprises shot back, “But if you don’t stop making a mess, you’ll see me give whole new meaning to the phrase ‘clean house.’”
“Promises, promises,” Shrike sneered.
“And another thing: you need to start wearing a shirt outside your room. Nobody wants to see you walk around with Rice Krispies stuck in your chest hairs.”
“You don’t wear a shirt. Not that I’m complaining,” Simon gave the overalls clad young woman an approving once over.
“My body doesn’t look like it’s made entirely out of gristle and scar tissue.”
“Prove it. Show me your- Ow!!”
Amy waved her spanner menacingly, “You will treat a lady with respect, Maddicks, or I’m going to use this to r** y*** n*** o** a** f*** t*** t* y**. Comprendé?”
“Sí,” the Butcher Bird rubbed his jawline and turned to leave, “We’ll continue courtin’ later. I gotta go pick up the brats.”
“Have fun!” Amy called facetiously, before looking about the still contaminated lavatory.
Sharing a bath with the Bonsai Kittens would be more sanitary than this.
*****
“I don’t know,” Al B Harper said for the sixth time as he and his children watched their ride approach the cabin, “Employing a supervillain like Killer Shrike does not seem very prudent.”
“Hey, our mom is a supervillain, and you certainly weren’t very prudent with her,” Kara Harper pointed out, “You were determinedly imprudent.”
“Twice,” Cody Harper noted before adding, “Thanks for that, by the way.”
“Er, you’re welcome, I suppose,” the scientist replied as he folded up his newspaper.
The Bentley rolled to a stop, and Simon Maddicks stepped out to open the rear door, “Let’s go, let’s go,” he urged.
The pair picked up their schoolbags and climbed into the back seat, “Nice outfit, Shrike. Muffy making you wear that?” Kara asked.
The big man sneered at the reference to his livery uniform, “Blondie said we’d have to take the mini-van if I didn’t put on this monkey suit, so you two d*** well better appreciate it.”
“Oh, we do,” Cody said as he fished his I-pod out of his backpack.
“Makes us feel like royalty,” Kara agreed while emulating her brother.
Shrike grunted and shut the door and turned to Al B Harper, “Well, this is exciting,” the arch scientist observed, “The twins’ first day at school, your first real day on the job.”
“Yeah, somebody oughta take a picture,” the Butcher Bird mumbled.
“I believe Kara has a camera built into her phone, if that’s something you really want,” Al smiled before turning serious, “I want you to know, Mister Maddicks, how important your job is, and how much we’re all counting on you to keep Cody and Kara safe.”
Simon absently polished one of his jackets brass buttons, “Uh huh.”
“And if you fail to perform in your duties, and anything happens to either one of them, there is nowhere in time or space you will be able to hide from me,” the Legionnaire took up Shrike’s hand and shook it vigorously, “Good luck.”
For several moments Simon Maddicks was stricken mute by the man’s threat. Finally he managed to utter, “Thanks,” and then sullenly took his seat behind the wheel.
“Hey, put on your seatbelts!” he ordered his passengers before shifting the car in gear and driving off to meet the day.
*****
The antique custom roadster made its way through the Paradopolis traffic slowly, too slow for Kara’s taste, “C’mon, Shrike: gun it. You know you want to.”
“No.”
“We won’t tell anybody.”
“No!”
Cody turned off his I-pod and joined the conversation, “It’s Ok that we call you, Shrike, right? Killer Shrike just doesn’t roll off the tongue.”
“Whatever. I don’t care.”
“We could call you KS,” Kara offered helpfully, “Like in the Sunshine Band.’”
“That’s ‘KC and the Sunshine Band!’” Simon spat.
“Oh. Well forgive me for not knowing the name of every ancient music act,” sniffed the refugee from the 24th century.
“You used to work for the Hooded Hood, right? Did you chauffer him around too?” Cody wondered.
“No, the Hood treated me with the respect I deserved! He didn’t have me babysit a couple of chatterbox kids!” Simon cautiously pulled the Bentley into the left lane to pass an 18 wheeler that had just forced its way into the early morning traffic.
“We respect you, Shrike,” Kara assured the supervillain, “Even in that suit.”
Before Killer Shrike could fire back a reply he saw the sides of the truck behind them slide open, “What the f-“
A trio of robotically enhanced dinosaurs jumped out and began to charge.
“Crap! These guys again!!” Simon groused as he hit the accelerator. He had first met the Harper twins fighting three similar creatures in a Seedytown tattoo parlor. This time, though, the creatures were bigger, at least twenty five feet long from snout to tail.
“Those are Utahraptors!” Cody observed with some nervousness.
“Way to go with the ID, Dino-Nerd,” his sister chided.
The Utahraptors were not only larger than the previous dinosaurs, but faster. They easily weaved their way through the lines of cars, rapidly gaining on their prey.
“Uh, Shrike, I’m checking the traffic report on my Blackberry. There’s construction about 4 miles ahead, leading to some very heavy congestion,” Kara stated, “This is why we should be allowed to take jetpacks to school.”
Simon flung off his cap and looked over his shoulder at Cody “Get up here! You’re driving!”
The young man seemed stunned, “What?!”
“Just do it!”
Cody obeyed, clambering over the seat to take control of the car while Shrike moved to the passenger’s side.
“See that car carrier? Bring us along side it, then as soon as I jump out floor it.”
“Wait, where are you going? And how come Cody gets to drive?” Kara demanded.
Ignoring both questions, the Butcher Bird waited until they had matched speeds with the trailer and then forced open the door. He leapt onto the truck’s side and slowly climbed to the top of the vehicle.
“Not much time,” Simon muttered as he watched the three Utahraptors begin to close in. Putting his back against the cab of the truck and bracing himself, he began to push against the lead car with his feet.
“HHRRRNNNNGGGHHHH!!” he strained, using his powerful leg and back muscles to pry the car free. There was a snap of chains, and all twelve cars tumbled away, a veritable avalanche of automobiles that filled the suspended highway and buried two of the three dinosaurs.
“S***,” Killer Shrike cursed, clutching his strained laterals as he rose. The last raptor was nearly past him, the only one that stood in the way of the twins and safety. With a grunt he picked up a length of chain that bounced behind the truck. Swinging it above his head several times, Shrike threw one end around the Utahraptor’s neck. He made sure the other end was still fastened to the trailer and then jumped down to the cab of the truck.
“Shove over,” he ordered the driver.
Simon took the wheel and began to accelerate. Checking to make sure the dinosaur was still caught around the throat he swerved the truck to the right, smashing through the guard rail, sending it and the raptor plummeting forty feet down to crash into the marsh below.
With one hand grabbing the driver’s collar, Shrike vaulted away from the truck. His left arm banged into the rail, causing his shoulder to dislocate. Still, he held on, until he was able to toss the civilian up onto the highway and climb up himself.
Killer Shrike slowly limped his way to Cody and Kara in the idling Bentley. He slumped into the driver’s seat, held his breath, and slammed the door on his arm, popping it back into place.
“Let’s get you two Poindexters to school,” he said to the flabbergasted Harper twins, then put the car into drive.
*****
Doctor Alistair Sphinx was normally as inscrutable as the creature he shared a name with. But even with the stone leonine mask concealing his features it was clear he was displeased.
“You have been given the simplest of tasks, Dr. CyberRaptor, and twice now you have failed.”
“It isn’t entirely his fault, Master,” Nefertiti Jones, Sphinx’s leman, explained, “The Harper children have a protector.”
“Yes, this Killer Shrike,” the Hermeticist waved his gauntleted hand dismissively, “A barbarous thug of little intelligence, and yet he stymies the will of the Exclave. This is heresy.”
“CyberRaptor has muffed his chances,” Dr. Behemoth spoke up from his end of the conference table, “I think it is time someone else had a go at Harper.”
“Indeed,” Doctor Foul Weather Foe nodded, cradling his Metero Miter.
“I proudly volunteer,” the Junker known as Doctor Mindwasher stood, “Project: HypnoJenna is nearly complete. Once the subject has gestated it vill easily achieve our objective.”
“Perhaps, perhaps,” Sphinx drummed his stone fingers on the table top, “All of you, I want précis summaries of how you would solve the Killer Shrike quandary sent to my office by 5pm this afternoon.
“As for you, Doctor CyberRaptor,” the leader of the Exclave removed his right glove, revealing a plume of back energy that crackled with unearthly power. He reached over and grabbed a startled Nefertiti by the throat, an act that caused her to disintegrate, the fate of anything that came into contact with pure Anti Story, “Consider yourself fortunate you have tenure.”
“Yes, Doctor Sphinx,” the clearly shaken scientist managed to reply.
“We have wasted enough time on this issue. The Exclave needs the brilliance of Al B Harper, and he will be one of us before the next lunar cycle begins. Understood?”
“Yes, Doctor Sphinx,” came the choral answer.
The villain slid his glove back onto his hand. From behind his stone countenance he smiled, “Splendid. Logos Triumphus, gentlemen. Make it so.”
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